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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Fall Semester and a Heart Break


Hey guys,

Sorry for taking a break from writing my blogs. I've been on a killer roller coaster ride of my life. So what happened to me? Well, from the last time that I wrote, I had quit my full time job since my summer break ended and I began school again. I'm now working at Chick-fil-A as a part time job and going to school full time. It's not as stressful as I'd thought it'd be, but I just have A LOT to do. Thanks for always taking your time to read about what's been going on with my life.

September 11th of 2012 and I have a heart break already. On my last entry, I wrote about this boy who I have known for a very long time confess to me, and well we hit it off very well. We spent most of our summers together when we both got off work. We would go to wonderful dates and he would always be a gentleman and pay for everything. He knows how much I love the beach, so for the summer we went to the beach for weekend. I recently been telling him about how I wanted to experience a drive-in movie theater, and he actually looked up the closest place and took me there. What an experience. I don't ever play baseball but we decided to buy some gloves and throw some balls. Just the past 2 weeks, we vacated in a cute little cabin in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Everything seemed so nice, but somehow I felt like something is missing.


Honestly. I never saw us in this way, but up until recently I began to have feelings for him. I like this guy. I really do or did. I don't get butterflies and my stomach doesn't drop, but I love being around him. I love how he would hold me. I love how it seems like he never wants to let go, but still something didn't seem right.

I'm a person who loves talking to him. I want to know more and more about him. I want us to be able to talk about anything, but for some reason I feel like I am limited to what I can say. He tells me all the time that I can talk to him about anything, but I don't feel like I can. It almost seems like our conversations never go the full yard. We talk about a lot of things but it never really goes the entire way and it almost always fall short. Maybe it is the fact that I don't get to talk to him on the phone and most of the time we only message, but even when we do talk in person, it seems to be missing something.

So, yesterday I got upset with him because sometimes he would say things that are unnecessarily (it wasn't even anything bit, we were talking about his eyes burning and that I like him better in glasses), and well, things got pretty messy. Maybe I was a little too impatient but it always feel like our conversations goes sour. I called him and told him that I'm glad that we weren't anything because I won't feel regret. I told him to leave me alone, and don't talk to me. I told him to not come visit me; I want my space, and I want my time. I hung up, and that was it.

I like this guy. I really do and that's probably why I'm so upset. Before all this, I never wanted us to have anything. Why didn't we just leave at friends??? I was happy this way. And then this summer happened and now I don't have the will to go anymore because it doesn't seem right, but I'm falling for this guy. :(


 
It's my own feelings and I don't even know how I feel. Even if I like this guy, do I think about us, or just leave it be. I think our story might end here. He wrote to me saying that he is sorry, and I know he is. He's sorry that he can't love me or talk  to me and express himself like how I want him to. It's hard on him. I know. And it's also hard on me too though. I feel like my emtional tank is empty. I want him to help fill it up, but it's not being filled. I'm conflicted.

Thanks guys,
Norma-Jean Cook

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